I'm Not Crazy

Good morning everybody! 

     Man this week flew by fast. I don't know if it's just me that feels that way but I can't believe how fast it went by. We didn't have as much success this week as last, but that's totally okay. Were getting things lined up to have a pretty good upcoming week. We had a couple lessons and we got Donald to church again. In church a speaker was talking about mental health and how depression has been something that's been keeping her away from the spirit and having those connections, and she did all these studies and found out that it's totally okay. She bore her testimony on not giving up and losing faith and it was really good, but Lisa (the lady who showed me her butt in a previous email) got up and just started clapping and cheering and it was awkward but also cool to see that she felt that connection. Donald thought she was just downright insane so patching that up was an experience. But he said that he thinks he found the church he's been searching for and now we have a possibility of baptizing 3 people pretty soon, so that's so awesome! 

      Last night we met this guy named Mason who was just so grateful to see us. Matter of fact he did a literal backflip when he saw us. No joke. He was emotionally all over the place and we were able to talk with him and get things worked out and set up a time to meet with him again. He's a super cool dude and I'm hopeful things will work out with us. I forgot to mention this a couple weeks ago, but it's also been ongoing and on my mind so I thought I'd add it. An elder who is currently serving in Alpine, my last area, messaged me and was just struggling. I mean this poor kid was looking and sounding awful. He was trying to figure out how I survived as long as I did there, and kept asking all these questions, and we were able to talk and work things out. It was sad to see him and still see him struggle, but it was also an answer to a lot of my prayers. The hardest thing about that area was the mental battles. I was constantly feeling guilty for being burnt out, or frustrated, or like I wasn't doing anything but wasting my time, and I'd repent and try to get myself to a place that I just couldn't get to. To hear that he was struggling with a lot of the same things confirmed to me that I wasn't crazy and those feelings and emotions were very real and I wasn't overreacting. 3 transfers, roughly 4 months of daily brain games, and now I can use those things that I learned to help him, and he's doing much much better. It was just a small miracle, but another reminder that my suffering wasn't in vain and it could be used to help someone else so it made it all worth it in the end. 

      I wanted to take a minute to talk about my mission as a whole. I don't open about much at all, but especially about what's really going down out here. I think people hear about missions and all these cool experiences and they build false expectations and thoughts that it's easy or that everything's all taken care of so there's nothing to worry about. Believe me it's very hard at times. For the most part life is easy out here. We got a car and don't have to worry about gas. A place to live and don't have to worry about paying bills. People who feed and take care of us. People who just randomly give you money or things. And everyday we have a plan of what we're doing each hour, and so on and so forth. But at times it gets real. Walking the righteous path can be more of a staggering step, or crawl some days. There's so much required of us and it gets overwhelming sometimes, and that mental battle of trying to do better and be better is also exhausting. There's so many characteristics and traits and habits that I've had to change and give up or develop, because I wanted to be more in line with God, and thats a brutal daily commitment. But if it was easy it wouldn't be rewarding. I honestly don't think I could look back and feel like I accomplished anything, if it was easy. Becoming a new creature in Christ can be a painful journey, but it will be the most rewarding one. When times get hard I think of some examples. The first is of course Jesus when he suffers in Gethsemane and is asking for any other way to have his father's will be done, but there's not. And aslo Joseph Smith in liberty jail when he feels that God has forsaken him, and God responds and tells Joseph that his suffering will be for his good. Its true. Its crazy but it's true. However, God does visit us in our trials. Do we visit him in ours? The mission has taught me so much already and I'm so incredibly grateful for it. I know what I'm doing will be worth it. All of it. So when you're visited with trials, visit God in your trials and he will help you. 

     Well yall, thanks for tuning into my Ted talk. As always thanks for all that you do. Enjoy your week and stay blessed. 

-elder jj 

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