Fading

Hey, it's me again. My mom's favorite missionary. 


     This week was rough. Just gonna flat out say it, no need to sugar coat it. No one was able to meet with us. We had maybe 2 lessons which is still better than nothing. Our most progressive person right now is an evangelist preacher who likes to have conversations with us which just end up with him trying to prove everything about us false. Luckily, God helps me remember scriptures and I can quote them word for word better than he could and he would go quiet and listen to what we had to say. He kept trying to catch us in our words but we knew better. Anyways he wants us to come back and im just burnt out and tired of being led on and wasting my time so I'm not going back. I have no tolerance for that anymore and I've just been super bold and no nonsense with my approaches to people now. It's been helping to sift out who's actually interested and who's just being nice, but now we are back to square one and having to build a teaching pool from scratch. Guys I'm gonna keep it real. I'm exhausted. I'm mentally drained and it's hard to wake up in the morning feeling motivated and wanting to get outside. We look at our calenders and see nothing but tracting from 1-9pm. No dinners. No members who want us over. Just us and the lord. Ive never prayed more in my life. It's been amazing to see how even though it's getting harder to get out of bed each day, when we actually just suck it up and go out, we meet some pretty cool person who needed us right in that moment. Its like little love letters from God telling us that he's proud of us, and that he appreciates our efforts. I will finish what I came to do in Borger. Even if it kills me. 


     I've been thinking a lot about conversion lately. Are you truly converted unto the lord? It's one thing to have a strong testimony, but how did that testimony change you? How did that spiritual witness cause you to act in faith, repent, and put off the natural man? I have developed a very strong testimony in the gospel. I mean I share it everyday so it would be almost impossible not to. In the small challenges of the days, I see growth moments. I see God. But what am I doing to let that change me as a person? How am I applying that? To be honest I'm the worst at that. I sometimes justify things just cuz its fun or for whatever reason, and I don't do the best at fully applying what I learn. I want to finish my mission by becoming converted fully unto the lord. Becoming steadfast and immovable In my conversion unto him, and not just someone who can share a good testimony. My patriarchal blessing has been teaching me a lot about being firm in my faith. It instructs me to teach my future family in righteousness and to be an example of the believers. I cant do that if I just have a strong testimony. I got to also be strong in my conversion. I got to show that I am serious about God and following him, and not just share that I've come a long way from where I was. Now im not saying that I'm not converted right now. I just want to deepen my conversion and be truly changed by grace. 


     Thank yall for all the birthday wishes and gifts as well! You guys really made it a special day so thank you. I appreciate all the love and support and I cant wait to come home and get my hugs. Yall stay cute. 


-Elder Goldfish 


Pics: 


116 brierwood st. Borger, TX 


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