A Letter To Myself #2. The Last Email

Dear Elder Jenkins, 

     You did it. 2 years and it's over. You did it! Despite all odds and challenges, you overcame them all, and came out on top. Your testimony that you thought wasn't enough, grew and changed the lives of people you didn't even know. You have grown and become a better person, a journey that cut you up and left some bruises along the way, but you still pushed through and showed yourself what you're made of. You have tried your best and given your all during your service, and at times have fallen short, but those moments have helped you realize the importance of your work and who your true character is. Im proud of you. What you did wasn't easy, and it definitely wasn't easy for you. You have had every reason to give up, every reason to stop and throw in the towel. You faced so many challenges and opposition that knocked you around, but you stayed strong. Why? Because you know this church is true, and you love the Lord. You know that no matter what will continue to be thrown your way, you will stand strong and be on the winning side in the end. Im impressed with how you deal with challenges and how you use them to become your strengths. Im impressed with your ability to acknowledge your weaknesses and turn them into your strengths. Im impressed with how you let the passion and desire to help and love others take your mind off of yourself and onto serving them. Im impressed with how you stand up for what you believe in even if the ones you love try and pull you down. I know you doubt your impact that you had on peoples lives. I know you worry about being good enough. I know you have fears if you have done enough. You have. You are good enough, and you always will be. You might not ever hear it from the people you have helped along your way, but you have been a light for so many people. Do not doubt your impact or your worth. You are and were an amazing missionary. You have come to know the true power of the gospel. You have allowed it to flow within you, and allowed yourself to be a great tool for spreading it. Well done you good and faithful servant. 

JJ, 

     Can you believe it? I lasted the whole 2 years. Yes, you, the one who was scared of committing to just about anything. I know its hard to believe. You were wrong thinking I wasn't going to make it. I've gotten so much more confident in myself. It's amazing once you see who you are and what you can accomplish and what your value and worth is. Those broken pieces of yourself that you thought would never be healed, they are healing, and some have already been healed. I know you struggled with who you were and where your place was in this world. Let me tell you, you'll find it, and it will be amazing. You've been through a lot in your life, more than anyone knows because you're scared to open up and be hurt again, but those things have helped you be kind, loving, compassionate, paitent, and help others see the love of God in their lives because they know they aren't alone. You wouldn't believe how many people you would be able to relate to and be able to build from each other. You wouldn't believe how much those trials have allowed you to help other people. I know you used to think those things were unfair, that God didn't love you because you were suffering and could not feel the love in all the pain. I have come to feel love in the most purest forms. Those trials helped you be ready to recieve real genuine love because your heart was needing it and ready to accept it. Not only did you come to finally be able to feel love, youve been able to help others feel genuine love as well. I would go through it all again 10x if it meant that I can help 1 person. I genuinely think me and you wouldn't get along now. If we were to be in the same room we would not recognize each other and you would probably hate me. That's how much you have changed. Changed for the better. Today you are not the same you. Goodbye old friend, I don't need to hold onto the pain of my past that you caused. I am at peace with where I am and who I've become. Thank you for the memories. 

Joshua, 

     Where did the years go? You used to never want to grow up and you were scared to get older. Let me tell you, you are still scared, but you have to and you have. You have grown so much. You need to embrace it. You can't be a kid forever. I know you want to stay young and make up for the years in your childhood you lost due to trauma, but it's not fair for your older self, and it's not fair for anyone else around you. Give it to the Lord. He will heal you. You don't need to carry the weight of what he already atoned for. He paid the price and burden of your sins, why are you still holding onto those things? Leave them on the doorstep of heaven. That's where they belong. Joshua, stop hiding and come to the light, it's so much better over here. The feeling of being freed from your burdens and the weight of your trials is beautiful, believe me. Its hard to give those things up, but you will, and you will see what I mean when I say that it's worth it. Youre an amazing person. You have your flaws, but you also have many great strengths. Dont forget that. Don't let your obsession of wanting to improve your weaknesses cloud what strengths you have. Use your good qualities to uplift yourself and be better, rather than focusing on just your weaknesses. You are going to do so much good. Just believe in yourself. 

The last 2 years. If only words could describe what I experienced. If only there was a way to share my gratitude and express my thoughts and feelings. I can't believe that it all came to an end. I will cherish these years forever. I will remember these days for the rest of my life. Thank you for deciding to come out on a mission, as hard as that choice was for you to make. Thank you.